For the adults in their life, who are trying to support them, traumatized children can be extra confusing. Their behaviour & experience will often look different than it is in adults.

Those caring for children often have questions: How can I help this child best? What is happening? Why is my child like this?

Let’s be clear first, on the definition of trauma: 

Trauma = Anything that happens in a child’s life that they experience as negative (not necessarily our adult evaluation of whether it is trauma) & causes them to feel confusion, fear, helplessness or terror. 

The thing is, children under 11 often cannot label their physiological responses as these extreme emotions.  So your child may exhibit behaviours instead… ones that adults don’t like:

• Learning (concentration or memory) problems

• Impulsivity or hyperactivity or risk-taking behaviours

• Erratic mood swings

• Whiney & clingy a lot

There’s a difference between misbehaviour & stress behaviour.  This is critical.  We can really hurt a traumatized child if we don’t understand what’s happening & then treat it as misbehaviour.  Look deeper.

Life becomes very difficult for traumatized children. They experience very intrusive physiological symptoms that they don’t know how to change:

• Interrupted sleep

• Loss of bowel or bladder control

• Vomiting

• Tummy aches or appetite changes

• Hurting chest / they can feel their heart pounding

• Forgetting how to speak or unable to speak

• Sleep problems

• Food aversion or restriction

• Low energy

Empathy for your child’s symptoms will go a long way.  They need your nurturing support to comfort them.

At no age are children immune to the effects of traumatic experiences. Period.

Infants & toddlers, non-verbal, are even more vulnerable to traumatic experiences. They have very little or none of the cortex part of the brain that helps make sense of situations or develop an internal narrative/movie of it.  They just experience it in their body.

All the way up to approximately age 11, children’s brain structures & functions are developing rapidly. Trauma can interfere with that development having life-long effects  if not mediated with care & skilled support. 

Children have less ability to analyze logically & narrate an event than adults, which makes them more vulnerable to extreme emotions & feeling unsafe.

Remember.  Memories of traumatic incidents are fragmented.

Children’s trauma narratives are often even more fragmented.  It may seem like they don’t make sense and are unbelievable. But it doesn’t mean they are wrong. 

It’s so easy for children to develop deep shame that they are a bad person because the trauma happened or because they are having the lingering symptoms.  

As adults we need to be careful with our non-verbal responses (like body posture), which children easily misread.  AND Before any conversations about what “really” happened, it is important to validate how they experienced it and help them start healing from the effects.

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice” – Peggy O’Mara

In coming weeks, we’ll share more about what you can do to support traumatized children, as well as care for your entire family through this time.

We hold deep gratitude for the adults who truly see & care for traumatized children.  Your day-to-day care truly does make a significant difference.

Warmly,

Tanya Bedford, RCC, ACS

Nancy Alexander, RCC, ACS

P.S.  Sometimes adults that support children need a consultation about how to support your child.  Our counsellors are always thrilled to consult. Please reach out.